the pains of being close to 30...

i've had a rough week. let me start by saying that i hate car trouble more than anything in the world... mainly because fixing automobiles is never cheap or affordable. in fact it's nearly always more than you'd expect, generally it's money one doesn't have... or if one does, it's already been budgeted elsewhere. so long story short, i was desperately hoping to buy a new camera this month... but got a new clutch instead. awesome. this came as yet another stab into an already bruised year of being completely bewildered as to what on earth i'm really doing with my photography, career, life in general. all being compounded by the social pressure of this idea that by 30 we're supposed to have it all figured out. what we're doing, where we're going, how we're getting there. but the honest truth is that most of us don't. at least most of the people that i know. it's been a year for me of upheaval, chaos, reevaluation, reprioritization, recalculation. it's been painful, confusing, completely unfun. it's been a period of questioning everything. what i'm doing, where i'm living, jobs, careers, relationships, routine... i've considered retiring my camera for a period of time, getting a "real" job. having a nice steady consistent income. i've considered a new career, pursuing my second love of all things culinary... trust me, i've tossed every option around in my little head. it's been heart wrenching and exhausting. dinner with a friend the other night brought up the idea of Saturn's return. It's based on an astrological idea that every 29.5 years, Saturn returns to the place it was when you were born... and this causes a period of a couple years of total upheaval... or a crossing over of a major threshold into the next stage of life. there's three that occur during one's life time... 27-30, 58-60, and 86-88. the first presenting a person leaving youth and entering adulthood, the second entering maturity, and the third and final entering wise old age. more curious than anything, i did a little googling on the subject, and found the internet holding up a mirror to me. here's what wikipedia told me The first Saturn Return is famous because it represents the first test of character and the structures a person has built their lives upon. According to traditions, should these structures be unsound or that a person is living out of touch with his or her true values, the Saturn Return will be a time of upheaval and limitations as Saturn forces him or her to jettison old concepts and worn out patterns of living. It is not uncommon for relationships and jobs to end during this time of life restructuring and reevaluation. But the Saturn Return is not all about painful endings. During this time astrologers note that goals are consolidated and people tend to gain a better vision of where they are going in life. There are added responsibilities and a person may reap the rewards from his or her hard work. Many major life milestones seem to happen around the ages of 29 and 30. This is why astrologers believe that the thirtieth birthday is such a major rite of passage because it marks the true beginning of adulthood, self-evaluation, independence, ambition, and self actualization.. i'm not a huge follower of all things astrological, but this made perfect sense to me. and i felt a little more normal, and less crazy for feeling the way i've been feeling the past 12 months. my friend over at ad ada voce recently blogged about the idea that we sometimes don't choose our passions... but they choose us. and then we choose the way in which we follow them. in all of my upheaval and change seeking, i haven't been able to come around to the idea of putting my camera down for good. it's what i love to do... image making is my passion... or rather it's chosen me, and i can't turn away. my week ended on a higher week than it began. i got news that i've got 2 pics being published in 2 major national magazines... and my artist rep in d.c. wrote to tell me that two of my big art pieces sold in one day. sometimes it's just the little things.... and maybe i'll be able to get that camera afterall. peace out, i'm off to shoot a wedding in a tree house tomorrow! brooke

i'm getting together a new series... all about washington!

just another day in the life of....

today is coffee, house cleaning, laundry, photo editing, yoga, bill paying, pile organizing, farmer's marketing, and green bean and baby carrot pickling. i'm already getting sad that the summer fruits and vegetables are winding to their end, and the nights are getting cooler and darker earlier. i had this fleeting thought yesterday of how amazing it is that the earth knows when to change seasons. it's never missed a beat, for as long as it's been spinning. i like to think about life and categorize mine into seasons. it feels so much richer and more organic than ticking off days, and weeks, and months. this past summer was definitely for resting and enjoying. (it's the first summer in a few years that i wasn't all booked up with weddings, so actually had time to take it easy...) for living fully and taking drives, and small trips around this beautiful state i like to call home. for sunshine soaking and lake swimming several times a week. for stopping at roadside fruit stands and eating strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and peaches right from the box. for margaritas, and caipirinhas and molly moon's icecream. autumn, i can't say a part of me isn't happy to greet her. i like my autumn clothes and fell in love with a new fall coat that i've been coveting ever since trying on last week. i love the smell of fall air, the leaves, leaving big pots of soup to simmer all day long. this fall with be for reflection. for focus and reinvention and rejuvination. for more discipline. but more on that later. here's a couple things i'm plugging for this week...

• jammin' to:

miike snow and robert francis

• reading these:

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles... aiming to inspire other writers, artists, musicians, or anyone else attempting to channel his or her creative energies and help them achieve the "unlived life within". i'm super stoked to get behind this next book, as i've known patrick for years now, and absolutely value and appreciate all he has to say about life in general. he's the first person to put out the idea to me of to stop looking for the one (mate wise), but changing your view to try and be the one to someone else. i've been listening to his podcasts every time i get on a plane, and try and soak up some of his amazing wisdom. and i'll be honest... i haven't read it yet, i'm still waiting for my amazon copy... but check out his site about the book here. and maybe you'll get an idea of why i am so behind this, without even reading it in full yet. then go and order it here : aka amazon.com

• sites

lastly, but last of all least... do yourself an enormous favor and spend some time pouring over chris guillebeau's site. he's all about the art of non conformity. and has writings on everything from

• creating a legacy project

• the decision to be remarkable

• why you should quit your job and travel around the world

• creating a life of gratitude

come on... with content like that, you can't afford to not check his stuff. happy humpday, all... here's my farewell summer photo of the day of my gorgeous friend amber.

calling all iphone and itouch users...

i just came across the raddest site that allows you to download wallpapers for your phones or touches for free! so many great ones to choose from! check it Here and spruce up that thing you stare at all day long... here's my current one...

photobooth!

some test shots from the photo booth at Saturday's wedding... so fun!

what i'm workin' on today...

my kitchen studio... workin' on some product shots...

saturday : loveliest wedding... more soon

it turns out i heart yoga... (and india)

in the fall of 2007 i was traveling around india with my dear friend chelsea. she really wanted to go rishikesh, as she'd recently gotten really into yoga... rishikesh is a small town nestled at the foot of the himalayas known for being near the mouth of the ganges river and for being the birthplace of yoga. after three nights in delhi, i was game to go anywhere but stay there. the idea of cool mountain air and a river sounded amazing to me. an overnight train, two buses, an auto rickshaw, a small hike up a hill, and we were there. and it was every bit as relaxing and refreshing as we were hoping for. but knowing what i know now... i wish i had a chance to revisit... because at the time i was there i didn't really know a thing about yoga or even give it two hoots. chelsea has a hippie gene in her, and i sort of wrote off her obsession with yoga as being attributed to that. well about a year ago i decided i wanted to finally give it a try. but it always seemed to be a cost that i didn't have money set aside for and truth be told, i was terrified of joining a class where everybody seemed to know what they were doing, and i didn't know a single thing. i'd heard the term downward dog, but really didn't even know what that was. and i didn't really want to be that new girl, that holds everybody else up while getting a little needed one on one from the instructor. as chance and my love of trade would have it... i got offered to do some photos for a local yoga studio in exchange for class cards. and discovered an intro class... with other people just like me that had never tried it in their lives. that was something i could feel comfortable with and in i plunged. this is the part that starts sounding a little cliche... but i absolutely completely fell in love with it. have you ever heard of a person that tried it and really didn't like it? my only regret is that i didn't start this years ago... and or took some classes in rishikesh. people preach about it being preventative medicine and i believe it. it's given me a new awareness (slightly new age-y term i know!) of my body that's been so inspirational. it makes me feel strong and good... or that i'm being good to myself. like my body is thanking me for strengthening it, stretching it, agknowledging it, giving it some love. my back never hurts anymore. i actually look forward to classes, and feel bummed when i can't make them. i'm still a total beginner. everyone did handstands in class last week and i just looked around in awe. i'm still learning the moves and looking to the instructor for a lot of guidance... but loving every minute of it. so whatever it is, i guess my rant for today is that it's never too late to try something new. you never know what you might discover... here's a couple old pics. me and chels on an indian bus with our backpacks, a shot of rishikesh, and us at the taj mahal... naturally. (incidentally the day we were at the taj mahal was also the first day chelsea started feeling sick from dengue fever... but that can be another story for another time....)

pretty...

Tools of my trade...

I've been thinking lately about all the different tools I use to do all that I do photographically speaking. I think maybe some photographers consider it a sort of secret to divulge how they go about making the images they do... and I've considered myself whether or not to post on here in one list, all the tools i've been collecting the past couple of years. other than one basic photography course i took about 9 years ago, i often joke that the internet taught me everything i know about photography. but it's true. i google things i want to learn about. pour over message boards and websites. i've often in the past simply written other photographers to ask where they got an image printed, or mounted, and how they achieved some technique... who hosts their websites, what lens they used etc... i'm an enormous supporter of word of mouth, spreading knowledge included! so without further ado, here's some of the tangible things i use (equipment wise) and non tangible... (software, actions, websites) that all help me do what I do.

firstly, because i want to give credit, where credit is due, i want to give a huge shout out to Squarespace.com. the secret behind my site. it's because of them that a non web person like me can have this great website that i've got. i absolutely love using them and lovetelling people about them. they're incredibly affordable and they've got a huge support staff that answers in depth just about any question i've ever had within an hour usually. if you or someone you know is thinking about building a site, i highly recommend checking them out and utilizing their free trial!

then there's naturally my trusty camera. canon since the rebel 2000. now using the 5D, with a hungry eye coveting the 5DMII. You photographers out there know what i'm talking about.

a couple years ago i decided to go with all L-series lenses. that's the best of the best in lens speak. it's highway robbery for the bank account, but i've never regretted it and never looked back. among my faves is my 35mm 1.4, 85mm 1.2, 16-35mm 2.8, and ts 24 3.5

like most photographers it seems, i'm a big fan of Totally rad actions i love love love all the color opportunities they give my photos!

this is so obvious it almost goes without saying...but photoshop is one of my best friends, and lightroom changed my life. or at least gave me back my life, since editing is now such a breeze...

life's also a breeze since i'm blessed with an amazing dual core intel xeon mac pro tower.

spending lots of time on this beauty of a beast has been reeking some havoc on my poor right hand wrist. so as of late i'm the proud new owner of a bamboo wacom tablet. after my first few wobbly days, i'm love it. i'm also trying real hard to learn my command keys better, because it's better in the end... (and faster)

and of course one's got to have music while editing away... while i've always had decent collections, pandora radio makes an appearance just about every day. coupled with airfoil which allows me to wirelessly stream to my stereo... my living room/ office enjoys some great free music!

i use photobiz.com for galleries and print shopping for wedding clients.

i use and love white house custom printing for my prints.

and Kiss Wedding Books for my wedding albums

i read Photo District News religiously.

i love using Viewbook for rad quick loading galleries.

my great epson stylus photo r1900 allows me to make great prints from home, and print directly onto the discs i send out everyone.

i shop at paperzone and paperhaus for all of my creative paper and mailing needs.

steep street, max wanger, and amelia lyon are my current weekly stops for inspirational photography. hope this is somewhat inspirational to you! i'm back to my kitchen to do some more product photography, and then off to a seattle sounders game tonight... woohoo. brookelyn